Re-start button

Anyone ever wish they had a re-start button...for life...for the day...for something in your life?

I do.

I believe that God has blessed me with much and I am grateful. I don't think I want to re-start my life.

But maybe a re-start to a day every now and again would be a good thing.

Especially when I'm tired, frustrated, and feel like the weight of the entire world is on my shoulders and I have to carry it all.

I suppose some call that stress.

I call it high responsibility.

It's at these times that I am reminded of how much I am in need of a savior, a way to relax, and an outlet like this.

Our first Christmas in Murfreesboro is going well. Smoothly. But we are super, super, busy.

Opening a thrift store in the middle of Christmas was quite ambitious of me and we will get through it but every now and again I need a re-start button.

Before the sun rises I am wide awake, showered and ready to go. My mind wakes my up running with all of the things that need to be done. And I want to get them all done in that instant. I get frustrated that places aren't open at 6am so that I can call.

 This morning when this happened I wanted to shut my mind down and not go back to sleep, but spend some time in prayer and meditation with the LORD.

But I couldn't.

Grrrrrr....

My prayer for tonight is a re-start button for the morning to be focused on quality time with my LORD.

Too young

This week I learned that childhood friends are divorcing. And another friend has cancer.

This saddens me deeply and makes me think that they are too young for this.

But when really is the "right" age to get divorced? Or to have cancer?

There isn't.

Having faith that God is in control in ALL situations and at ALL times--no matter the age or season of life--is where our focus needs to be.

I am compelled to pray for them and need to be thankful for what I have and where I am. It humbles me and I need that.

Cheering Me On

After gaining so much weight with pregnancy I've felt like it hasn't come off quickly enough. I am in my pre-pregnancy clothes, but still have some extra weight.

As a task/goal oriented person I decided to train for another half marathon after having the baby. I bought new running shoes and trained for the race that was in March. It felt good to get moving again.

Then I "over did" it or something like that and had to go to PT three times a week and not run for almost 10 weeks. I sold my bib and watched the race on the sidelines (literally since the race ran by my office). I was disappointed and the weight loss slowed down, but was still making progress. Just not fast enough for ME.

Since moving I've been cooking, eating well, buying organic and fresh stuff and loving it. 


I've been running three times a week. There is a great trail a half mile from where we live so it's great incentive to get up before the sun (especially since the sun is waking up later and later...) and watch the sun rise, take in the scenery, smell the countryside and let my soul breath a little bit.

After two weeks of not eating that great, but still running, I needed to get in gear so I ordered some much needed new running shoes and broke them in today.

On my home stretch of the run I look up to see Andy in uniform holding Elijah at the curb. Elijah was clapping for me!

I am a blessed woman. I love my husband. And my kid. Now I want to run a marathon--well, I think I'm over that but I am interested in a triathalon...

Who do you have cheering you on?

Blessed.

I am blessed. Plain and simple.

I make Elijah's baby food and I made up a good batch tonight and for the realization that I had enough counter space to do what needed to be done hit me. I am blessed.

This afternoon I got to have lunch at a restaurant in town with Andy, Elijah, and Andy's parents. The ability to go out to lunch and do it with family and people that I love and who love me is a blessing.

Worship this morning with our congregation was beautiful. We are doing a series right now on what it means to be the church and today's topic was love. We have a family with a little boy struggling with some serious health issues and we were able to pray for them. Another lady shared a "love testimony" about how God has changed her heart about someone. God is moving. We are blessed.

Last night we got to be in the hospital with a family we love as their loved one passed away. Just to be there with them in that time and to love them is a privilege. We are blessed.

Going to the farmer's market, running on the Greenway trails here, driving kids to camp, having people to love and care for....I am blessed.

Sometimes I needed to be reminded of how much I truly have and need to not take if for granted. I am grateful and needed the reminder. After a few months of struggling internally I am ready to move on and grasp the good things that God has in store for me, for my marriage, and for my calling.

I am blessed. So are you. Do you need to be reminded?

Murfreesboro honeymoon love

Moving here has been like a breath of fresh air for me. There are so many blessings and it's only been ONE week!

God is faithful in spite of what we may deserve at times. I am so grateful.

We have people to love. Praying for each of them individually yesterday was a moving experience for all of us. Worshiping together as a family and with our new corps family was amazing. I can't wait for next Sunday...now, what to preach?

Our employees are professional and competent. They do their jobs and they do them well. We are following great leadership and it is evident. The employees are fully vested in the true mission of the Army.

At our welcome lunch last Wednesday afternoon we spent a considerable amount of time of fellowship dreaming around the table for what they vision the Army to be in Murfreesboro. It was a beautiful time of sharing--now to see it all happen!

We get to sit around the tables and eat dinner with the men and families who call our building home for now. Our soldiers eat dinner with the shelter residents every week because they WANT to and see the shelter as a part of the Army, not just something we should be doing. Awesome.

Having a picnic lunch, visiting the farmers market, picking up kids for VBS, teaching Sunday school, vacuuming the chapel, looking for a location to open a family store, praying with a woman with stage IV cancer, talking with someone about grace and another chance in life, and having lunch at the oldest hole in the wall place in town with our advisory board chair=life as a corps officer. WE LOVE IT. You can't put a price tag on it.

There is a lot to be done and we feel the awesome responsibility that comes with representing Christ and the Army to a quarter of a million people, but we are up for the adventure. We have a lot of work to do, but we are ready to go!

Hebrew 13:20-21
Now may the God of peace—
    who brought up from the dead our Lord Jesus,
the great Shepherd of the sheep,
    and ratified an eternal covenant with his blood—
²¹ may he equip you with all you need
    for doing his will.
May he produce in you,
    through the power of Jesus Christ,
every good thing that is pleasing to him.
    All glory to him forever and ever! Amen.



Tonight, while I cooked dinner, Elijah jumped around in his exersaucer in the kitchen with me. We have a kitchen. It's not in Atlanta. :-)

Ode to Ikea

I picked up Shytacia from Warner Robins the other day to come and hang with us our last week in Atlanta. On the drive up to Atlanta I asked what she wanted to do this week besides what we already had planned.

She said she wanted to go to Ikea again.

The last time she was here I was buying things for the baby's nursery before he was born and we had dinner at Ikea and had fun walking through the showroom and goofing off. I had nearly forgotten about it. The more I thought about it the more it made sense to me.

I asked her what she liked about Ikea so much and she told me she liked the happy bedroom sets and home set-ups. How simple, yet beautiful.

She doesn't come from a nice home at all and I understand where she is coming from.

Today we went to Ikea for dinner and did our goofing off walk through and got to include Elijah this time. We daydreamed about all of the room set-ups and picked our favorites for us and for those we love most dearly.

It was a great time.

Thank you, LORD, for the ability to dream and have fun in the simplest of things.

For Thy Mission

Lyrics of songs have really been speaking to my heart lately. I guess I don't have the words to express but others do and I like to use them. I am looking forward to being someone's corps officer and loving on them in a few short weeks.

In chapel this morning we sang this song:

Thou hast called me from the byway
To proclaim thy wondrous love;
Thou hast placed me on the highway
That to all men I may prove
There is mission in my living,
There is meaning in my word;
Saviour, in my daily striving
May this message yet be heard.

For thy mission make me holy.
For thy glory make me thine,
Sanctify each moment fully,
Fill my life with love divine.

Have I lost the sense of mission
That inspired my early zeal,
When the first of thy commission
Did my dedication seal?
Let me hear thy tender pleading,
Let me see thy beckoning hand,
Let me feel thee gently leading
As I bow to thy command.

LORD, release that latent passion
Which in me has dormant lain;
Recreate a deep compassion
That will care and care again.
Needy souls are still my mission,
Sinners yet demand my love;
This must be my life's ambition,
This alone my heart shall move.

-Brindley Boon

How He Loves Song

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a unforseen kiss (sloppy wet kiss),
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don't have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way...

He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.

Baby Bird

This past week I spent in Nashville at continuing education for all officers in their first five years.

On an afternoon break as I was coming up the steps I noticed a tiny, sick baby bird on the cement. I started to pass it by but then stopped and stooped down. I looked at it for awhile and then decided to pick it up.

I'm a city girl and I have no idea what to do with birds that are half dead so I wen to where all the other officers were congregated and found a boy officer that I knew to help me. He quickly shuffled me to another larger group of male officers.

One of those guys took the bird and as I found out a few minutes later had fun killing it.

I was mad until a wise friend told me that the mother of the bird either wanted it to die by kicking it out of its nest due to disease, or would have allowed it to die since it now had my (and several other) smells on it.

I didn't know that the bird would die. I was just trying to help.

Sometimes we try to help others along spiritually with good intentions but really we are killing them, too. I made a friend who I genuinely wanted to "help" spiritually but after a year I've learned that I wasn't the right person to help. Not sure if I misheard from the LORD or if my "I" got in the way of what the LORD was trying to do, but it's a good lesson for me all the while. Doesn't mean I or we shouldn't make an attempt, but we need to know what we are doing before we jump in with the best intentions in the world only to see them fail. It is absolutely imperative that we are aligned spiritually with what we are doing. We work with the souls of people. That's serious stuff.

Also, I found it telling that dozens of other officers walked right by the same baby bird and left him. And then when I took him for help I was shuffled from one group to another. Not sure if no one was willing to help or just couldn't. In the end the one guy did kill the bird, which at first I thought was cruel, but was it? At least he was willing to do something with the bird when so many others were not.

It was just a baby bird, but still. I'm an over thinker.

"His eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me...."

Somebody Prayed For Me

When my heart was so broken'
That I could not pray,
When love wasn't easy to see.
Someone was there,
Somebody cared...
Somebody prayed for me.

Somebody went to the Throne of Heaven,
Somebody lifted my name,
Bringing me into His Holy presence.
Saying what I could not say,
Somebody showed me the face of His mercy,
When darkness was all I could see.
Somebody pleaded the blood of Jesus, Somebody prayed for me.

Life lately

A lot has been going on in my life since I last blogged. There have been several times when I thought about blogging but just didn't do it.

I took some time to focus on my spiritual growth and it is working...quite encouraging. I feel good and in tune with the Spirit.

Situations have been brought to my attention and I have responded. One such situation is still going on and is tugging at my spirit big time. I keep asking the LORD to release me from it but he hasn't yet. I'm not sure what His will is, but I'm being obedient.

I am struggling with it. At times it's all I can think about. It makes me cry and hurt.

Last Saturday Elijah and I went and paid a visit to Warner Robins to spend the day with Shytacia. We had a great time and I spoiled her like crazy. I told Andy before he left for Mexico that I was going to spoil her and that's exactly what I did. We had a little bit of an altercation with her drunken father when I dropped her off and it made me hate having to leave her there but she is doing well--made straight A's on her report card. She and all of her siblings have been home from foster care since Christmas. She's gained a little weight and looks healthy. I sure do love that girl--she's already fifteen!

Valuable Lesson Learned

Lately I've been attempting to be intentional about telling others about Jesus--particularly the employees and men in the program where I spend most of my waking hours.

Last night an opportunity presented itself when I offered to stay behind (and abstain from festivities) to plan, lead, and speak at our Ash Wednesday chapel.

I took my time preparing and seeking what the LORD wanted me to say to the men.

The time came and a retired minister, a dear friend on the piano, and I began to engage these 130 or so exhausted men in worship. The program went "smoothly" until it came time for me to speak.

I got up to the pulpit and honestly did not know what to say or where to begin. I sought the LORD and prepared a devotional (it was far from "polished") on John 4 where Jesus meets the woman at the well. I wanted to talk about "Jacob's well," grace shown to the woman, living water, etc. I spent time with it the night before and the day of...so what happened?

I sputtered it all out and was quite frustrated. I asked the Spirit while I was up there what was happening. Looking out at all of those tired faces and blank eyes distracted me. I wanted to cry. At the end of the devotional the Casting Crowns song "The Well" was to play on the screen as a video and it didn't work. I didn't do an altar call (we did have one earlier in the meeting with some response). I just wanted it to be over.

I want the men to know Jesus--to have personal relationship with Him and to live differently. I want to model that relationship for them as I strive daily to grow in holiness.

Feeling discouraged and exhausted I voiced all of this to Andy before going to bed last night. He politely listened as he always does but didn't have an answer to fix my frustration. I kept asking the LORD what he was teaching me in all of this. I got up early and ran this morning and thought about it the entire time.

Then I went to work. I wanted to speak with the retired minister and get his thoughts on the service last night--see if he had an answer to what "went wrong."

The retired minister came to my office to tell me that he had a man weeping in his office for thirty minutes last night after the service as he was touched and convicted to live differently and to drink of THE living water.

Another man asked if we could meet for thirty minutes each week and do some Bible study and discipleship.

Another man asked me to help hold him accountable to reading through the Lent scripture guide I put together. He wants to write about each of the scriptures each day.

As usual the LORD taught me a valuable lesson...

Baby tub friendship

Andy and I have noticed that the baby tub we were using was beginning to become to small for Elijah. He likes to stretch out his long legs and the tub we were using was prohibiting his movement.

Time for a new tub...

I bought the tub (Primo EuroBath baby tub) on craigslist to save money, time, and the shipping costs.

The tub was picked up today during lunch time in the parking lot of a popular store and the former owner and I got to talking.

Turns out she is the single mom of a 15 month old girl. Single due to domestic violence. In her words, "he's an abusive pervert."

She was brave enough to leave her husband and take her six month old baby to stay in a domestic violence shelter for six months.

He has visitation rights on Sundays at a police station.

As she was telling me this and crying in the parking lot I was encouraging her (I happen to have a lot of experience with domestic violence both personally and professionally) and thanking God for the opportunity to meet her.

I have a new tub, a new person to intercede on behalf of, and a new friend.

How just like God to show up and do something unexpected--even on days when we are worn out and bone tired like today. Yay for God. And courage.

New Believers "section"

Elijah and I made a voyage to the Christian bookstore tonight to buy a few large print Bibles and a couple of other books for a few of the men at the Center.

We ended up not buying any large print Bibles. They are ridiculously priced. Christians must be an easy crowd to rip off.

I was speaking with an employee in the store and mentioned that I am looking for something for the merger between science and Christianity (we've recently had an agnostic get gloriously saved and he's looking for something to read) and something to help a new believer for another man in the program.

He told me about their "new believers" section and began to lead me to this "section" in the back of the store.

In the very back of the store, to the right of the choir robes, on the bottom right hand side of the shelf was a sign that had fallen over that read "new believers." This "section" had a total of five books--three of them were the same book in different sizes (which I bought).

Glad to see that new believer material is selling well. That 1/4 of a shelf in a big book store spoke volumes to me tonight. We need new believers.

REfocus

Every once and a while I just need to re-focus and prioritize.

I need to get to bed earlier and do my devotions EVERY DAY. I'm craving it. I need it. Not some short little devotional (I do fine with that on the Kindle) but some knee deep time with my savior.

Being exhausted is my own fault. I could go to bed when the baby goes to bed but then what about everything else that's fighting for my frazzled attention?

Running another half marathon in the middle of March is still my goal but I need to actually run to do it.

I have half knit projects that need to be finished and last night I just HAD to try out my new cookie press resulting in way too many cookies for us to eat (I brought them to work) and a stomach ache this morning from eating raw cookie dough.

I am self-sabotaging myself. Time to stop. Time to focus.

An accountability partner will help--and I am thankful for her.

A loving husband who tells me, "go to bed! You are cranky and annoying" helps.

A desperate need for holiness helps.

Let's do this! :-)

On Christmas Eve I took advantage of the opportunity and went for a few mile jog while Andy watched the baby. I ran around the inside of the gated campus where we live.

I only had a few laps left when I noticed her--the electric blue tight dress--cut way too short and way too tight-wearing black leather knee boots with killer heels. Prostitutes in our neighborhood, especially out back by the tennis courts are no surprise. What shocked me was how young she looked as I ran closer to her.

I jogged on by and began to reminisce about playing tennis over there with Andy when the prostitutes waiting to get picked up would watch and cheer us on in our game. They would get picked up and we would continue with our game. They would sit along the curb and watch us play. We had fun.

We missed the opportunity then to evangelize to them. I felt convicted about the electric blue girl and decided that one my next lap around that I would say something to her.

By the time I came back around it was too late. She was gone. Another missed opportunity. I'm not sure if I was truly disappointed or relieved--or a mixture of both. All I know is that she was gone. I delayed responding to the nudging in my spirit. I do that too often.

The more I thought about as I continued jogging the more upset I became. If I were to talk to this girl what would I say? I would want to get her off the street immediately--probably invite her inside to chat or to eat with us on Christmas Eve. In reality I would have been talking to her through a locked fence. She wouldn't have been able to get in and I wouldn't have been able to get out. The opening to the gate is a half mile away. We say we are incarnational in our community by our gated property with security guards to keep the community out says otherwise...

I prayed about it as I became frustrated.

On my last lap around I noticed another lady out there--down closer to the maintenance shed this time. The LORD was giving me another opportunity. This time I was walking as a cool down. I approached the fence and began to open my mouth when I was distracted by two kids behind me on campus filling up a bike tire with air. I turned to look at them and then at the woman on the street. I started to walk away and then turned back again toward the street. I did the same thing a third time and ended up not talking to her reasoning that I didn't want to expose the kids there to what could happen if I did talk to her. In hindsight I would have done it.

Another missed opportunity. My spirit was going crazy--and still is. Call it holy discontent. Call it shame and disappointment. Call it whatever you want but there are people in need at our front door (gate) literally and we can't even tell them that we have what they need. We are too busy protecting what we have when we should be--I should be--willing to give it away. LORD, have mercy on us--on me.

As I walked toward our building Andy was outside with the baby who was crying. It was time to be a mom.