So while on "vacation" last week in my hometown of Philadelphia Andy and I watched a TED video by supermodel Cameron Russell. Her talk about image has really stuck with me as I struggle with my own image.
Overall I'm quite confident but as I continue to struggle with my weight gain I feel unsatisfied and unsure of myself. I suffer from hypothyroidism but I also suffer from "food is my comfort and friend"itis.
These are a few of Cameron's quotes:
"Image is powerful, but image is superficial."
"Being fearless means being honest."
"Beauty is not defined as health, but as tall, slender, feminine figures."
And so as a gorgeous, successful and young model I hear her say these things. I'm excited that she is intelligent and has some perceived depth to her but what about my image?
Sometimes I feel selfish just thinking about it. Andy tells me everyday that I'm beautiful but I don't feel beautiful.
I'm a perfectionist and I feel like I'm failing myself or something. I don't know. I'm just not content and I feel like I don't measure up to my own expectations--the image that I want others to have of me.
On the one hand I know that I shouldn't care, but I do. I don't want to and some days I don't, but overall I do.
My whole life I have felt like I never fit in or belong. It's still true. I want the image instead of belonging and of fitting in. For me, that means being secure in how I look and I'm not.
"Being fearless means being honest" as Cameron says but it's so vulnerable...
