Nehemiah--leadership in the face of opposition

Elijah and I have attended a weekly Bible Study at a church here in Murfreesboro for the past year and a half.

A quote was shared in class that says, "circumstances don't make you. They define who you are."

We spent a good part of the winter studying Nehemiah and how real the scripture was to me during that time as we were going through difficult times in the corps and the steadfastness of Nehemiah and his clear leadership abilities--including having a plan in the face of opposition--were great gifts from the LORD for me to digest.

Although there were several forms of external opposition Nehemiah did not get discouraged. He was focused. Rather than listen to the nonsense that was coming at him from nearly all sides he decided to listen to God instead and intensified his prayer (selective listening skills). Even that had strategy. Through prayer is how he received strength and courage. The tactics against him were: ridicule, mockery, insults, slandering, conspiracy, and threats against him. The more the opposition= the more he (they) prayed.

God entrusted him with a tremendous work as a result. Satan pushes against us when God is blessing our efforts. We are to stay faithful and press on. The victory has already been won. Hallelujah!

Something that spoke out to me loudly about Nehemiah was even though he was personally attacked he did not let it get the best of him. Taking up personal offense dishonors God.

Nehemiah was a man of prayer, was obedient, was an encourager, a delegater, a good communicator, generally level headed, responsible, diligent, focused, passionate and thoughtful.

In other words, he was a true man of God.

Grandmom's passing

What was going to be a post about a great 80th surprise birthday party for my husband's dear grandmother and a family trip with Elijah's only cousin on the Seiler side has become much more.

My grandmother lost her battle to cancel while we were celebrating Andy's grandmother's 80th birthday. A bittersweet time.

I will miss my grandmother and the great times we had together. I remember vividly visiting my grandparents in the their condo in Florida during one Spring Break in college and I had a blast visiting with all of their retired friends (I am such a geek!) and really enjoyed seeing the social side of my grandparents. They are fun people!

I remember as a little girl staying at my grandmother's house and she would draw a bubble bath for me and the water was always way TOO hot, but the bubbles were so inviting that the heat always seemed to be a distant memory once I was all the way in the water.

I remember spending a week at the Jersey shore with my grandparents and Uncle Terry where I learned that my grandmom loved the beach but did not like the water. We went to the beach and she read and slept the whole time. I couldn't comprehend why she wasn't interested in the water. Now that I'm older, I understand. A nap on the beach or time with a good book listening to the water is pure medicine for the soul. If we were to do that now we would share James Patterson books--something she made me read!

I remember playing in her make-up drawer and with her jewelry and perfume. I believe my first perfume came from her--Avon's Candid--something that I would probably scream and run if you tried to spray that on me now. Haha.

I remember all of the Hanukkah's we celebrated where my grandmother would go absolutely nuts buying us so much stuff--expensive toys and nice clothes. One year she bought me these belly shirts because they were in style and someone said something about them and she said, "what's wrong? Haven't you ever seen a beautiful girl with style before?"

She was an avid Philadelphia Eagles fan. She could jump, scream and curse at the tv with the best of any male fans. Something deep inside of her came through when the Eagles needed a talking to on that old box tv. She would do it with her pretty painted nails and "frosted" blonde hair.

We had a competition at my home corps (church) growing up where the Pioneer music school was going to award a prize (dinner with the Burgmayer's!) to the kid(s) who brought the most guests. I asked my Jewish grandmother if she would attend this Christian music concert and she did and had the entire family come with her. There they were--my entire Jewish family taking up a pew in the old Pioneer corps chapel--my grandmother singing, clapping, and praying with the best of them.

I love her. She was a rare gem. I want to emulate her love of life and people. And maybe share her love of Matlock and Law & Order.

Thank you, Ilene Hurwitz Cohen, for the heritage you have shared with me. 

2014 is for family.

2014 is for Family

"A man ought to live so that everyone knows he is a Christian...and, most of all, his family ought to know" -D.L.Moody

Family is the basic unit of society, at least that's what I remember being taught when I was younger.

My definition of family is different than perhaps the definition that others have for family. I try to sincerely love those who around me no matter where I am at the time. This has, at times, led to disappointment when those around me fail, back slide, or don't love me back. Yet I love anyway. Those who are around me I make my family. I get hurt when those who are around me move away and the closeness we once had is gone, but I give love nonetheless.

 I'm trying to focus more on people around me than on myself.

More time with my family (household) is necessary for my survival. Time well spent with our leadership team at the corps (soldiers and employees) is needed. Time with my biological family is important.

My mother has had an extremely rough few months and is living in a personal care home permanently. While the situation is not the best, I do believe it is the right decision for her at this time. Often I wonder if my siblings and I are doing the right thing. Many would think that we should take on the responsibility of her care, but we cannot provide what she needs even though we are "family." I am trying to love and respect her not just because she is family, but because she really needs someone to love and respect her.

It has been in difficult times like this when I am forced to re-define what "family" is as those who are the most supportive, encouraging, and helpful overall are not necessarily those who I share biological kinship.

Family is important. I love my family.

I was blessed this year to bring in the New Year with my brother Luke and his precious family after spending time with my sister Kate and her family. Add to that Zihir was with Luke and I and the girls and I realized quickly how over abundantly blessed I am for the richness of family.

I am thankful for them and for the close knit family of God I live life with in Murfreesboro.

2014 is for family. Looking forward to time spent with family this year.

The Essential Priorities

God's goal is not to make us happy, but rather, holy.

I heard a woman in my Bible Study at a local church say this a few weeks ago and I wrote it down and have been internalizing it ever since.

It's true.

God's goal--above happiness--is holiness. That is what he wants for his people but is it what we want from him? We expect God to be holy but when he works on making us holy and it gets a little uncomfortable we revert to the ideal that we should be "happy."

This idea--myth really--of work-life balance does not exist. Everything vying for my time and attention is really a priority whether it is corps business, the Family Store, Elijah, Andy, corps people, my "me" time (haha!), and being there for Zi during this transition time in her life. Oh yeah--let me not forget my HEBREW class as I picked up working toward my MDiv this fall after putting it down for two years just as I got accepted to an executive leadership class locally through the businesswoman's organization that I belong to. All of this happened at the same time. Whoops.

There were a few other things but I did sift through them and put them on a back burner for now.

Where is the time to work on making me holy?

Did I just schedule God out of my life?


No, I did not. I have had to realize what is essential versus what I perceive as a priority.

Elijah and I attending Bible Study at a local church on Wednesdays during the day together is essential. So we do. Even this morning when he woke up at 5:00am just as I was creeping out the door for the gym. So, no gym time for me today but as he is singing happily eating breakfast as I type this my time with him as we watch the sunrise and then get ready for Bible Study is essential.

Living incarnationally in my house with an 18 year old girl who has literally lost everything she has ever known and is trying to put the pieces back together is more important than knitting a hat and scarf.

Spending time with my corps ladies as we try to build relationships with women in the shelter is more important than getting an A in Hebrew.

Working alongside our Family Store manager is more essential than answering e-mails immediately as he needs encouragement.

Missing the gym this morning so that Andy can sleep as I hang out with Elijah is the right decision.

Essentials. Holiness. In all parts of everyday life.

Satisfied in You (Psalm 42 song)

I have lost my appetite 
And a flood is welling up behind my eyes 
So I eat the tears I cry 
And if that were not enough 
They know just the words to cut and tear and prod 
When they ask me “Whereʼs your God?” 

Why are you downcast, oh my soul? 
Why so disturbed within me? 
I can remember when you showed your face to me 

As a deer pants for water, so my soul thirsts for you 
And when I survey Your splendor, You so faithfully renew 
Like a bed of rest for my fainting flesh 

When Iʼm looking at the ground 
Itʼs an inbred feedback loop that drags me down 
So itʼs time to lift my brow 
And remember better days 
When I loved to worship you and learn your ways 
Singing sweetest songs of praise 

Let my sighs give way to songs that sing about your faithfulness 
Let my pain reveal your glory as my only real rest 
Let my losses show me all I truly have is you 

So when Iʼm drowning out at sea 
And all your breakers and your waves crash down on me 
Iʼll recall your safety scheme 
Youʼre the one who made the waves 
And your Son went out to suffer in my place 
And to show me that Iʼm safe 

Why am I down? 
Why so disturbed? 
I am satisfied in you.

Healthy Church

Our adult Sunday School lesson led by CSM Cliff a couple weeks ago. These are some of my notes. I love getting to actually SIT in class and not have to lead something.

A healthy church has the following characterisitcs:

Level I
-God's empowering presence
-God exalting worship
-Spiritual Disciplines

Level II
-Learning and growing in community
-A commitment to loving and caring relationships
-Servant-leadership Development

Level III
-An outward focus
-Wise administration and accountability
-Networking with the body of Christ
-Stewardship and generosity

Scripture and prayer is woven all throughout all levels.The centrality of the Bible and prayer in all of these characterisitics.

Result: Harvest (with courage and authority)

We can expect persecution and opposition in the midst of ministry to the lost so,
-learn to depend on his protection
-learn to depend on HIS power through prayer (No prayer=no power)
-depend on God in new ways daily

War methods

Listening to the rain pour down from our hotel in France has me reflecting about how faithful God is to his children and how much I need to keep things in prespective.

Andy and I have had a long and difficult several months and I have often felt the desire to just give up officership. I know I am called to this ministry but I'm tired physically and spiritually. No need for me to discuss it further because my friends who will read this are either in the same place or have been there recently. It is vulnerable to write it but many of you have felt the same  thing. If you are dong your job this is hard soul work and you know it.

No pity or details are needed. Just prayer warriors needed to pray for our corps people.

I need to remember my first love.

During this vacation I read several books and one was a biography by Eric Metaxas about Bonhoeffer. In the book he quotes Hitler saying that you can't win war with Salvation Army methods.

This led me to think about Salvation Army war methods. We are most certainly in a war where we are either watching or ignoring people going to hell everyday. What do we do about it?

We program and run ourselves into the ground for 'the sake of the salvation war.' But what are we doing? How is success measured and who gets to measure it?

For me success is knowing that I have an all encompassing, actively engaging realtionship with my savior and that he is leading me in my time management, heart breaking decisions, in my child rearing, and everything else. It is taking time to be holy and remembering my first love.

Our corps is engaged in some heavy spiritual warfare and we have felt ill equipped to handle it. Go ahead, judge me and my spiritual walk but it's not like there is a class at training school called "what to do when the demonized and oppressed start manifesting in the middle of a holiness meeting," etc.

I have asked several godly people for advice and have turned to the scriptures and we will continue to work through it as it is happening with different people (even our corps children!) quite frequently as of late.

I got so desperate at one point that I called DHQ and asked them what to do (yes, you can laugh!!).

So we need this retreat far away from home to enjoy each other and our savior. I am remembering my first love.

Recently a friend told me that it is as if I am a warrior rushing into to spiritual battle but I am not ready. I need to retreat, strategize and then continue on. The conviction that came from that revelation is now dear to me.

You can't win war with Salvation Army methods?

If the methods of our army are that my stats will be down, then no, you can't win a war that way or self- perpetuate our organization.

If the methods of this war are bathed in prayer, scripture, holiness, and spirit-guided living-- well then, yes, you can win and scripture tells us we already have the victory.

Hallelujah!