Today I opened a box of donations and among vintage Raggedy Ann dolls and beautifully made handmade doll clothes were a couple of Cabbage Patch dolls.
The real ones circa 1983ish. I snatched all of them up, gave them a big heartfelt hug, screeched a little and sat on the floor in the clothes sorting room in tears for a minute.
Pathetic, yes.
I've held a cabbage patch doll here and there during my time in the Atlanta ARC but today it was different and special for some odd reason.
Before I was born my mom got a coveted cabbage patch doll for me. Something that she really could not afford but made the sacrifice for me to have one.
I grew up as a little girl collecting them. Through living in a homeless shelter, government housing, and eventually our own independent apartment they survived all of the moves. One move I didn't have any shoes except the ones on my feet and only a few sets of clothes, but I had my dolls. They were precious to me and I took care of them. Otherwise a tomboy and never having any interest in any other dolls, they were special.
Two days before my eleventh birthday (a Sunday that I skipped church and vowed I would NEVER do that again) our house caught on fire and the dolls were ruined from the pressure of the fire hose.
My dad bought me a doll after that but it wasn't the same. I grew up not collecting anything after that, and still don't to this day.
Until today. My sad childhood does have a few happy memories. Those dolls were one of them. The LORD saw me through my childhood and will see me through this triviality that is attacking me.
All of this hard, stressful work, and just mere exhaustion came to the surface for a quick second. I am tired and I want to quit. I need a break.
Seeing and hugging those dolls allowed me to release something and reclaim a part of who I am.
I don't know how to explain it but it was refreshing.
Just as the LORD took care of me as a little girl he is still taking care of, and will continue to, take care of me. He hugs and loves me with full abandonment the way I did with those dolls today.
The dolls are for sale in our Family Store. I don't need them--just the reminder.
Thanks, Abba.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Minimalist Lifestyle
A Minimalist’s Train of Thought
Less money spent means more money saved
More money saved means the longer you can live in financial peace and security
Financial peace and security comes from owning less
Less stuff owned means less to carry around, move or have to travel with
Less responsibility for your stuff also means less maintenance and more time
The more time you have, the more relaxed you will feel
The more relaxed you are, the less you will care about stuff
If you care less about stuff, it means you’ll care less about image
If you care less about image, you will care more about experiences and memories
If you care more about experiences and memories, you will be happier with less
If you are happier with less, you’ll never want or need for more
The less you want or need for more, the more you will feel free
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Image
So while on "vacation" last week in my hometown of Philadelphia Andy and I watched a TED video by supermodel Cameron Russell. Her talk about image has really stuck with me as I struggle with my own image.
Overall I'm quite confident but as I continue to struggle with my weight gain I feel unsatisfied and unsure of myself. I suffer from hypothyroidism but I also suffer from "food is my comfort and friend"itis.
These are a few of Cameron's quotes:
"Image is powerful, but image is superficial."
"Being fearless means being honest."
"Beauty is not defined as health, but as tall, slender, feminine figures."
And so as a gorgeous, successful and young model I hear her say these things. I'm excited that she is intelligent and has some perceived depth to her but what about my image?
Sometimes I feel selfish just thinking about it. Andy tells me everyday that I'm beautiful but I don't feel beautiful.
I'm a perfectionist and I feel like I'm failing myself or something. I don't know. I'm just not content and I feel like I don't measure up to my own expectations--the image that I want others to have of me.
On the one hand I know that I shouldn't care, but I do. I don't want to and some days I don't, but overall I do.
My whole life I have felt like I never fit in or belong. It's still true. I want the image instead of belonging and of fitting in. For me, that means being secure in how I look and I'm not.
"Being fearless means being honest" as Cameron says but it's so vulnerable...
Overall I'm quite confident but as I continue to struggle with my weight gain I feel unsatisfied and unsure of myself. I suffer from hypothyroidism but I also suffer from "food is my comfort and friend"itis.
These are a few of Cameron's quotes:
"Image is powerful, but image is superficial."
"Being fearless means being honest."
"Beauty is not defined as health, but as tall, slender, feminine figures."
And so as a gorgeous, successful and young model I hear her say these things. I'm excited that she is intelligent and has some perceived depth to her but what about my image?
Sometimes I feel selfish just thinking about it. Andy tells me everyday that I'm beautiful but I don't feel beautiful.
I'm a perfectionist and I feel like I'm failing myself or something. I don't know. I'm just not content and I feel like I don't measure up to my own expectations--the image that I want others to have of me.
On the one hand I know that I shouldn't care, but I do. I don't want to and some days I don't, but overall I do.
My whole life I have felt like I never fit in or belong. It's still true. I want the image instead of belonging and of fitting in. For me, that means being secure in how I look and I'm not.
"Being fearless means being honest" as Cameron says but it's so vulnerable...
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Priorities
Over the years I've written on this blog that I need a right relationship with God and with myself. Being healthy is part of that for me and striking the right balance is a challenging thing for anyone I suppose, but especially for me.
I've adjusted my priorities and I'm getting some push back.
I work with a lot of needy people and at times it feels as if everyone in my life is needy. Elijah needs me. Andy needs me. The corps people need me. The youth need me. The employees need me. The problems and issues that need to be solved need me. The dog needs me. The housework needs me. The cooking needs me....and on and on it goes.
Many of these people (I call them "takers") believe they have the right to monopolize my time and my life. Too often I believe we in the Army allow people to do that to us. There is poor separation between our personal lives and the work of the Army. For some people that may work but I'm learning that I need my space for my health and for the well being of our family.
After some reflecting and a bit of a mental retreat from the things that drain my energy I have figured out what I NEED and am trying to live in balance with that.
I need time with my LORD. I need to tell others about Him.
I need time with Elijah and Andy that is NOT work related.
I need time to be healthy. To be in my home, to cook, to read and to exercise.
I need time to invest in others not because they simply need me but because it is simply satisfying to my soul.
If you figure out how you spend your time you can see what it is that you truly value. I am attempting to adjust my time so that what I truly care about is reflected by the time I spend.
Right now it's opening a Family Store...ugh...
Make no mistake--I'm still a workaholic and am figuring this all out but realizing that Bible Study has to happen every night for me as does quality time with Elijah and Andy. Exercise, whether at 5am or 9pm, is something that I need to do. I need time to take mental retreats from the pressure that presses against me from every angle, a lot of it self-inflicted. Thank you, Pinterest, for that. :)
"Come to me, all you who are weary, and I will give you rest..."
I've adjusted my priorities and I'm getting some push back.
I work with a lot of needy people and at times it feels as if everyone in my life is needy. Elijah needs me. Andy needs me. The corps people need me. The youth need me. The employees need me. The problems and issues that need to be solved need me. The dog needs me. The housework needs me. The cooking needs me....and on and on it goes.
Many of these people (I call them "takers") believe they have the right to monopolize my time and my life. Too often I believe we in the Army allow people to do that to us. There is poor separation between our personal lives and the work of the Army. For some people that may work but I'm learning that I need my space for my health and for the well being of our family.
After some reflecting and a bit of a mental retreat from the things that drain my energy I have figured out what I NEED and am trying to live in balance with that.
I need time with my LORD. I need to tell others about Him.
I need time with Elijah and Andy that is NOT work related.
I need time to be healthy. To be in my home, to cook, to read and to exercise.
I need time to invest in others not because they simply need me but because it is simply satisfying to my soul.
If you figure out how you spend your time you can see what it is that you truly value. I am attempting to adjust my time so that what I truly care about is reflected by the time I spend.
Right now it's opening a Family Store...ugh...
Make no mistake--I'm still a workaholic and am figuring this all out but realizing that Bible Study has to happen every night for me as does quality time with Elijah and Andy. Exercise, whether at 5am or 9pm, is something that I need to do. I need time to take mental retreats from the pressure that presses against me from every angle, a lot of it self-inflicted. Thank you, Pinterest, for that. :)
"Come to me, all you who are weary, and I will give you rest..."
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Re-start button
Anyone ever wish they had a re-start button...for life...for the day...for something in your life?
I do.
I believe that God has blessed me with much and I am grateful. I don't think I want to re-start my life.
But maybe a re-start to a day every now and again would be a good thing.
Especially when I'm tired, frustrated, and feel like the weight of the entire world is on my shoulders and I have to carry it all.
I suppose some call that stress.
I call it high responsibility.
It's at these times that I am reminded of how much I am in need of a savior, a way to relax, and an outlet like this.
Our first Christmas in Murfreesboro is going well. Smoothly. But we are super, super, busy.
Opening a thrift store in the middle of Christmas was quite ambitious of me and we will get through it but every now and again I need a re-start button.
Before the sun rises I am wide awake, showered and ready to go. My mind wakes my up running with all of the things that need to be done. And I want to get them all done in that instant. I get frustrated that places aren't open at 6am so that I can call.
This morning when this happened I wanted to shut my mind down and not go back to sleep, but spend some time in prayer and meditation with the LORD.
But I couldn't.
Grrrrrr....
My prayer for tonight is a re-start button for the morning to be focused on quality time with my LORD.
I do.
I believe that God has blessed me with much and I am grateful. I don't think I want to re-start my life.
But maybe a re-start to a day every now and again would be a good thing.
Especially when I'm tired, frustrated, and feel like the weight of the entire world is on my shoulders and I have to carry it all.
I suppose some call that stress.
I call it high responsibility.
It's at these times that I am reminded of how much I am in need of a savior, a way to relax, and an outlet like this.
Our first Christmas in Murfreesboro is going well. Smoothly. But we are super, super, busy.
Opening a thrift store in the middle of Christmas was quite ambitious of me and we will get through it but every now and again I need a re-start button.
Before the sun rises I am wide awake, showered and ready to go. My mind wakes my up running with all of the things that need to be done. And I want to get them all done in that instant. I get frustrated that places aren't open at 6am so that I can call.
This morning when this happened I wanted to shut my mind down and not go back to sleep, but spend some time in prayer and meditation with the LORD.
But I couldn't.
Grrrrrr....
My prayer for tonight is a re-start button for the morning to be focused on quality time with my LORD.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Too young
This week I learned that childhood friends are divorcing. And another friend has cancer.
This saddens me deeply and makes me think that they are too young for this.
But when really is the "right" age to get divorced? Or to have cancer?
There isn't.
Having faith that God is in control in ALL situations and at ALL times--no matter the age or season of life--is where our focus needs to be.
I am compelled to pray for them and need to be thankful for what I have and where I am. It humbles me and I need that.
This saddens me deeply and makes me think that they are too young for this.
But when really is the "right" age to get divorced? Or to have cancer?
There isn't.
Having faith that God is in control in ALL situations and at ALL times--no matter the age or season of life--is where our focus needs to be.
I am compelled to pray for them and need to be thankful for what I have and where I am. It humbles me and I need that.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Cheering Me On
After gaining so much weight with pregnancy I've felt like it hasn't
come off quickly enough. I am in my pre-pregnancy clothes, but still
have some extra weight.
As a task/goal oriented person I decided to train for another half marathon after having the baby. I bought new running shoes and trained for the race that was in March. It felt good to get moving again.
Then I "over did" it or something like that and had to go to PT three times a week and not run for almost 10 weeks. I sold my bib and watched the race on the sidelines (literally since the race ran by my office). I was disappointed and the weight loss slowed down, but was still making progress. Just not fast enough for ME.
Since moving I've been cooking, eating well, buying organic and fresh stuff and loving it.
I've been running three times a week. There is a great trail a half mile from where we live so it's great incentive to get up before the sun (especially since the sun is waking up later and later...) and watch the sun rise, take in the scenery, smell the countryside and let my soul breath a little bit.
After two weeks of not eating that great, but still running, I needed to get in gear so I ordered some much needed new running shoes and broke them in today.
On my home stretch of the run I look up to see Andy in uniform holding Elijah at the curb. Elijah was clapping for me!
I am a blessed woman. I love my husband. And my kid. Now I want to run a marathon--well, I think I'm over that but I am interested in a triathalon...
Who do you have cheering you on?
As a task/goal oriented person I decided to train for another half marathon after having the baby. I bought new running shoes and trained for the race that was in March. It felt good to get moving again.
Then I "over did" it or something like that and had to go to PT three times a week and not run for almost 10 weeks. I sold my bib and watched the race on the sidelines (literally since the race ran by my office). I was disappointed and the weight loss slowed down, but was still making progress. Just not fast enough for ME.
Since moving I've been cooking, eating well, buying organic and fresh stuff and loving it.
I've been running three times a week. There is a great trail a half mile from where we live so it's great incentive to get up before the sun (especially since the sun is waking up later and later...) and watch the sun rise, take in the scenery, smell the countryside and let my soul breath a little bit.
After two weeks of not eating that great, but still running, I needed to get in gear so I ordered some much needed new running shoes and broke them in today.
On my home stretch of the run I look up to see Andy in uniform holding Elijah at the curb. Elijah was clapping for me!
I am a blessed woman. I love my husband. And my kid. Now I want to run a marathon--well, I think I'm over that but I am interested in a triathalon...
Who do you have cheering you on?
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